Presenting Pender: Part I

Second pregnancy, 39weeks and change, first labor.

Hopes and wishes: VBAC, no epidural, no complications, healthy baby.

Granted!

When I woke up on Tuesday, February 2nd, I admit to hoping that my child wouldn't be born on Groundhog Day, but I also knew that something was going on with my body. Since I was still teaching, I went to school as usual but didn't tell anyone that I thought I might be moving towards having this baby. Thankfully my long-term sub had already started and I felt like I could let go and check out whenever I needed.

Having never been through a labor, I was really not confident that I was correctly reading the signs that my body was giving me and certainly didn't want to say anything to people if early labor lasted for days. When I left school that afternoon I think I knew I wouldn't be back, and I headed to my regularly scheduled midwife appointment. They of course sent me home and told me to keep them posted! I remember calling Nate as I left the appointment and telling him he might want to clean up his school desk for a sub because my contractions seemed to be picking up.

Over the course of the evening it became clear to me that yes, these were indeed contractions and not just Braxton-Hicks, and that no, I wouldn't be returning to school tomorrow to teach. How exciting... and scary! Part of me felt disbelief that the baby and I had made it this far into pregnancy and that we were really going to do this. It felt very confusing to me about how things were going to play out. We live 40 minutes from the hospital so when would we go? Although it was my second pregnancy, this was my first labor, so how would my body behave - slow like a first labor or quicker like a second baby?

As thrilled as I was that this was finally happening, I felt overwhelmed by emotions that night as I put Myrick to bed. I kept measuring everything in terms of "lasts." Last time to put her to bed as my only child, last time I would be able to snuggle with her in her bed and do story time for awhile, last time she would rub my belly and kiss the baby inside. I also felt sad for her that she had no idea how dramatically her little life was about to change and worried that she would wonder if she wasn't enough. It was hard to not be able to have a grown-up conversation with her to tell her all of these things that my heart was holding; that she would always be my first-born girl, that her birth story and life will always be special and unique, that her place in this family would always be the same but a little different at the same time.

And even as I welcomed each contraction, I felt sadness that this pregnancy was coming to an end. I loved being pregnant and was not necessarily ready for it to be over.

However, the baby had other plans. So my contractions became more intense and we called Sally around 9:30 pm to put her on standby. I labored through the evening, walking around, stopping to breathe through them, doing laundry which I felt must be done, until I was tired and thought perhaps sleep would be a good idea. Nate and I napped for only an hour around midnight and then called Sally around 3:00 am to come over. Nate struck up the wood stove so that it would be warm when Sally and Myrick woke up, and we eventually left for the hospital around 5:30 am even though my contractions were still erratic. Sneaking up to kiss Myrick goodbye was heart-wrenching. She was still sleeping as I whispered goodbyes and love yous into her warm neck.

Driving in New Hampshire in the middle of winter can be exciting, but driving over the frost heaves in labor was even more thrilling! Nate would kindly pull over for each contraction so that I could shift my body and breathe through it instead of bouncing through them. And when Nate wasn't driving he was... still scanning the baby names book. We almost had our name choices settled, but not entirely!

So frost heaves, 20-ish hours of laboring, and one Dunkin Donuts pit stop behind us, we checked into Mom's Place in Manchester only to have Dorice, our midwife, tell us that we're only 1.5 centimeters dilated yet having intense contractions. This, of course, was not what we wanted to hear. So after lots of chatting about options, I got into the tub for some more laboring, ate some breakfast, and opted for the shot of morphine. There was a lot of concern about labor triggering another seizure so I was told the morphine would allow me to get about 4 or 5 hours of sleep (lack of sleep and pain can both be seizure triggers) and possibly wake up refreshed, slightly more dilated, and ready to do some harder laboring. Ha! Funny how things don't always go according to plan.

I slept for an hour and woke up to a sudden gush. Yes, that would be my water breaking. Quite a dramatic moment, even in all of my grogginess. The nurses got me all cleaned up and told me to try to sleep again. And I did. For half an hour.

I woke up with intense pressure and asked Nate to get a nurse because I felt like I needed to push. Low and behold, I was 10 centimeters and was indeed ready to push. Wow!

At this point, Nate called our doula, Allison, whom we'd been in contact with by phone. There didn't seem to be a need to have her at the hospital if all I'd be doing was sleeping for five hours. But goodness, we didn't anticipate waking up 1 and 1/2 hours into the morphine shot to find me fully dilated and ready to go! Allison was great and hustled over to meet us. She arrived right as I was beginning to push.

As far as pushing goes for a first labor, I was lucky. Only forty minutes of pushing and Nate feeding me ice chips until we met our baby. On my last push I was able to reach down and pull him up onto my chest. Nate looked to see and announce that we had a son! It's hard to capture those feelings and that moment in words. What a beautiful and amazing experience bringing our healthy baby boy into this world.

So Pender Avery Oxnard was born on February 3, 2010 at 11:03 am weighing 8 pounds 13 ounces, and 22 inches long. His carries the honor of my mom's maiden name as his first name, and his middle name is one that Nate and I liked. What a blessed day February 3rd was!

Making and Taking a Challenge

It has been such a long time since I blogged with any regularity that I find myself missing it. For awhile it became a way to keep my family up-to-date on the little joys of daily life here, of Myrick's milestones, and a way to share news that was important to us. And then, life happened.

Keeping up with Myrick and a full-time teaching job was a lot, but then there was also my pregnancy that really slowed me down. Suddenly, blogging wasn't holding much appeal. Sleep was much more alluring than typing away at the computer.

And now I find that months have passed, and I haven't recorded any of those special moments that are so dear to me and that seem important to share. So here goes...

I've made myself a challenge: for the months of July and August I will try to blog at least every other day. Nate is finished with his year at school, summer is here, and it is the perfect opportunity to play a little catch-up, reminisce some, and perhaps reestablish an old habit that I so enjoyed.

Next up, "Presenting Pender."

A Tribute to Dad

What does Father's Day mean to me this year?

More.

Having one child meant being witness to my husband turning into a Dad for the first time. I had the privilege of watching Nate learn how to hold a baby girl in one hand and a cold beer in the other, learn how to change diapers, soothe her when she got fussy, walk her around the yard in the bjorn while holding Whidbey and the heart/respiration monitor, learn how to buckle the dang car-seats, learn how to say no when she's so cute that dad really wants to say yes, and seeing him butt heads with his independent, spirit-filled daughter of 3 years. What a training ground Myrick has been for Nate-as-Dad.

And now, with two children, I'm honored to watch him continue to grow, change, adapt, struggle, and find enough love for us all. I think I can speak for both of us when I say that for the first time in eight years of marriage, this has felt like work. The father of my two children has worked hard in his first year teaching high school biology, in making time to keep our house and land up and running, in putting his daughter's bedtime stories as a priority over the piles of grading and planning, in taking Pender on evening strolls around the yard to soothe the fussy hour even while his dinner gets cold, and in setting aside time to watch Lost and share a beer with me even when he's exhausted at the end of a week. Seeing him parent Pender has reminded me, again, of what an excellent father he is. I remember him undressing Pen to hand to me in the bathtub and the surprised look of tenderness on Nate's face at holding his soft, naked little boy. It is in those unexpected moments that I see the joy of Nate's fatherhood come out.

Thank you, Nate, for being the glue in our family, for meeting each of us each day just where we are, for working so hard for us, and for giving us your profound, deep love. We are a blessed family because of you. Happy Father's Day.