Mush

Although I had a great first day at school with my students, I feel like a pile of mush right now.  I'm on the verge of tears just thinking about Myrick starting Kindergarten tomorrow.  As I tucked her into bed, she said to me, "Mommy, I'm not so sure I'm going to like Kindergarten."  I know she's a little nervous, too.  I asked her if she liked her new teacher (she visited Mrs. K's classroom a couple of times as a preschooler, and we've gone to two different visitation days in preparation for tomorrow, so she's not a stranger).  She said yes.  I asked her if she liked Michael and Jeffery (twin boys in her pre-K class that will also be in her new class), and she said yes.  So I told her that made three people who would be very excited and glad to see her tomorrow!  That seemed to help a little bit.  She woke up this morning at 3 a.m. and crawled in bed with me because she said she had a bad dream - very unusual for her.  I tucked her back in, and she went back to sleep just fine, but clearly her little brain is busy putting all of these new pieces together.

The best/worst part of my day was this morning's drop-off at Terri's.  Myrick had plans to be with Lally all day, and Pender was to go to Terri's by himself.  They hugged each other goodbye, but when Pender got up the steps and into her house, he let out a little whimper and said, "Where titer?"  Oh how my heart broke for him.  I choked back my own tears, but when I got back into the car, Myrick was waiting in the backseat with tears streaming down her face.  All she said was, "I miss Pender and Ms. Terri."  Ugh - three little broken hearts to start our day.  I didn't anticipate the morning going that way and was completely unprepared.  At least tomorrow I know not to wear make-up to school.  The sweetest moment, though, was when Myrick and Lally got back from their adventures, Myrick hopped out of the car and she and Pender ran to each other hugging.  Who could ask for more?  I know they won't always get along so well, so I will tuck that moment away in my heart.

Fingers crossed for a good night's sleep for all of us and a happy send-off for both of my babies in the morning.  Mommy-ing is the hardest job - much harder than teaching, I've decided.

Enjoying each other's company after a day apart.

Big sis helping Pender manage the sandbox digger.

Gratitude for a Treasure

Finding a daycare provider for Myrick five years ago was one of the most emotionally trying things I think I've had to do in my life.  I carried so much guilt in having to leave my child with another person to raise during the daytime - I truly felt like I was letting her down right out of the gate for not being there for her 100% of the time.  Five years and two kids later, I still wrestle with those feelings.  And at the beginning of every school year, I cry when I drop them off at Ms. Terri's house because I know the loss of time that is headed our way.  It breaks my heart again year after year.

But the one thing that has made it easier is Ms. Terri.  We are so blessed to have her in our family's life.  She is everything a care giver for young children should be.  She is enthusiastic and playful, firm when needed, patient, consistent, adventurous (like the night she hosted a sleepover in her camper for Myrick, Chloe, and Forrest!!) and above all, loving.  She has gently parented me, too; she'll let me know that Pender has been working on a skill that I haven't even bothered to try tackling at home and that now he can do it himself.  Good thing she's here to keep me on track and remind me that although I may want my kids to stay my babies, they're growing up and can do more for themselves than I sometimes let them.  I can't imagine that I'll ever be entirely rid of the guilt I feel, but leaving my kids with Terri is reassuring and calming, for all of us.

Today was officially Myrick's last day with Terri.  For the first time a few days ago she said she wasn't excited about Kindergarten.  Up until then she'd been all excitement and silliness over starting school this week.  When I asked her about it, she had some small tears and said she was sad that she wouldn't be going to Terri's anymore and that she would miss her.  My heart broke for her.  What a big concept for Myrick to understand and feel.  Aside from Nate and me, Terri has spent more time with Myrick than any other adult in her life.  She is lucky to have been cared for by Terri for the last five years.

Yesterday and today Terri spent time with Myrick teaching her some sewing basics (she is a talented seamstress and quilter), not the first time she's done so.  Myrick already has a beautiful pillow that she helped Terri piece and sew, and for the past two days she made an adorable "flirty skirt" with her.  Myrick will wear it to her first day of Kindergarten on Thursday, and we'll take another step forward as a growing family.

Stock in Kleenex

Well friends and family, the time has arrived... Myrick begins Kindergarten in only three more days.  The tears have already bubbled up a few times, and although I am a teacher in public schools, I found myself on the other side of the fence this evening at Back to School Night.  Myrick, Pender, Nate, and I went for 45 minutes to visit her classroom and meet some new classmates, and there I was, peppering the teacher and paras about how the bus routes worked, would they need transportation notes from me, what about naps and bathroom breaks, who would she eat lunch with, and again, how about that bus ride.  I am a nervous mommy who is going to need a whole box of tissues to get through this week.Those were some fast five years, let me tell you.

I only managed to snap one picture of her there tonight, standing in front of her cubby.

Before the Storm

Today marks the last Sunday of summer vacation.  While Nate is excited and even anxious to get back to school, I detest what it means for time with my family - less of it.  So although we've been working for a few days on easing back into a school schedule, I feel desperate to squeeze the last drops of summer out of our time together.  After naps today we embarked on a short canoe trip on our pond - small time adventures but with mostly happy kids today!

 Silly Mom, taken by Myrick

And to cap off the outing, from-scratch chocolate pudding!  It was so delicious that even Pender was coerced into trying a bite of noodles and sweet potatoes for another spoonful of it - WOW!

Just the Small Stuff

Nota Bene: I wrote this yesterday; my camera battery died, however, before I was able to publish... c'est la vie.

Today is just a random collection of photos that make up our summer days - just the small, everyday moments.

A tea party in the mud-room

Buses, trains, and trucks with Dad - love this one!

"Playing" a board game together - Myrick is not always flexible with the rules, but this time she got creative and played along with however Pender wanted to play with the game pieces.

And last but not least, my Small Fry, who always brings a smile to my face.

Superheroes Among Us

Well this photo was just begging to be shared.  In our efforts to help along a recent spate of bumpy bedtimes for both kids, we've decided that they will be outside from 4-5 pm each evening being active with the hopes that this will help expend their extra energy that I wish I could bottle for myself.  Tonight's driveway adventures included an appearance by "Super Biker".  She (I can't reveal her true identity) donned this get-up and boot-scooted all over the driveway.

And earlier today... snack on the shady picnic table.  Heaven.

AA Ball

We decided to catch a late summer Fisher Cats ball game this evening, and despite the kids both being a tad tired and trying, we had fun.  Myrick particularly enjoyed all of the crowd-rallying tactics - the hand clapping, foot stomping, loud music blasts; Pender, not so much.  He kept covering his ears saying "Too loud!" rather emphatically.  Might be fun to get season's tickets in the years ahead, when they're a couple of years older!

Mom and the zombies "watching" baseball